“Private submarine carrying several billionaire tourists goes missing while surveying the wreckage of the Titanic.”
Well, it had to happen eventually. This is where big-ticket extreme tourism and shooting untrained assholes into space and such was always going to lead – frankly, it’s surprising that it took this long for a major incident to crop up.
“One of the missing passengers is the president and CEO of the company that owns and operates the submarine.”
Huh. Well, points for putting his money where his mouth is, I guess. I wonder if–
“The missing CEO’s name is Stockton Rush.”
Oh, bullshit. That’s not a real person – that’s the name of a guy who builds an inexplicably 1950s-themed underwater theme park and then gets eaten by a shark in a cautionary tale about the perils of libertarianism. That’s the name of a guy who carries off an oceanfront real estate scam that somehow ends with Superman fighting a telepathic squid. Fucking “Stockton Rush”. Unbelievable.
At this point I’m half-expecting the next article I read is going to reveal one of the other passengers is a self-styled “explorer” who has strong opinions about the continued geopolitical relevance of the British Empire OH WAIT
For the benefit of those who receive their news exclusively via Tumblr shitposts, the Titan submersible has been confirmed destroyed, and its wreckage has been located on the ocean floor. The current theory is that the loss of communication was caused by the catastrophic implosion of the vessel’s pressure chamber during the initial descent; all aboard have likely been dead since the 18th, and there was never any hope of rescue.
